god only knows what I'd be without you
by fantastique-jacques
Summary: AU. One-shot. Nick/Jess. Set nearly a year and a half after "bad cabin smells". Walt's up and left from Chicago again, but this time for much longer than normal. Nick has almost had enough, but Jess is always by his side to pick him up.


**I was listening to God Only Knows by The Beach Boys late at night and started having some feels. I thought I'd try something a little different to my first story. This was the result. Still getting used to this whole fiction thing - constructive reviews would be ever so appreciated!**

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_I'll be back soon, Nicky._

That was the last thing dad told me before he'd left again. It was the last day of summer before I was leaving to go back to LA for my second year of college. I had come downstairs sometime during the morning for a glass of water, before everybody else had woken up. I descended the stairs with my head bowed, then looked up as I reached the bottom floor, facing my father as he was opening the front door. It took a while for my eyes to adjust to the bright light streaming through the frame. I knew exactly what was happening as soon as he started speaking. _Hey son_. He never calls me son. _I'm just going away for a while_, he told me. _Go back to bed. I'll be back soon, Nicky_.

That was nearly 4 damn months ago. He had never been away this long before. A month and a half, tops. Although he would never stay with us for a long while, he was never away for a that much time either.

It's not just the worry that's killing me, not knowing where he is, or what he's doing. It's what's happening to the rest of the family. I've just come home to Chicago with Jess for Christmas, and the stifling friction in the air is unbearable. I've never seen my mother so disquieted in my entire life. I often walk into the lounge catching her staring blankly out of the front window. It's killing me and I don't know what to do.

I've had a particularly terrible time today. It was Christmas. Silently, everyone had gone about the day coping with their dashed wishes that he would, maybe, hopefully have had come home. I tried to brighten the day - really made the effort to talk to everybody and talk about something, anything other than the dark subject that was hanging over us all like a bad dream we just couldn't wake up from. I'd been keeping it together, suppressing the need to just run away and cry. I'm in my room now, Jess is downstairs. I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been with me this whole time. She tried the same, if not, harder to cheer people up as well.

I started hearing someone ascending the stairs. Slowly my bedroom door started opening. The first thing I was greeted by from the person behind the door was a pair of sparkling blue eyes. Jess unhurriedly revealed herself from the door and closed it quietly. She turned around and looked at me. She asked me if I was ok. The answer is no, but I don't say anything. She tilted her head slightly, I could tell that she can see the pain in my eyes. Jess is beautifully, but annoyingly perceptive. She walked around to the free side of my bed, pulling back the covers and shuffling into my side. I wrapped my arm around her as her soft, warm body settled into me, with her arm over my chest, like it had many times during the time we've been together. We're silent for a while. I can feel her body moving with the pattern of her breathing. I can't remember the last time I had felt so relaxed, yet so tense.

I distantly noticed Jess tell me to talk to her. I couldn't possibly do that. I couldn't burden her even more than what my dad had already forced me to do. It was so unfair. Damn him! Damn him for doing this to me and my family and my girlfriend! I quickly felt my eyes filling up with 4 months worth of anguish and disappointment. I audibly stifled a sob and Jess looked up at me, her large dazzling eyes encouraging me to finally let go.

Then it happened, I don't quite recall everything that I was saying, or that she was saying back, only that I was giving into my misery. Jess had sat up gripping me tightly, pulling me up from my laying down position, I had just rested against her chest clutching onto the bottom of her top for dear life as she rubbed my arms soothingly. Completely overcome by my sobs, I tried to just get through it. After what seemed like hours, I finally lifted myself off of her and looked at her. She smiled at me and promised me that everything was going to be ok. She would make sure that my family and I got through this time. I believed her.

We laid back down on my bed, resuming our original positions. My body still shaking with the aftershocks of my emotional outburst, she peacefully stroked my chest. She started singing a song quietly. So quietly I could barely make out the words. I couldn't believe how calming that sound could be. What would I do without this person laying beside me right now?

I closed my eyes and willed myself for sleep to come. To take Jess and me somewhere far away from here. I thought about my father briefly and with Jess by my side, felt the strength inside of me to believe that he'll come back. And soon.

I caught a little bit of what Jess was singing. _The world could show nothing to me, so what good would living do me_. I smiled to myself as I recognised the song. _God only knows what I'd be without you_. She crooned in her sweet melodic voice. Finishing each line of the chorus with a small kiss to my chest. God only knows what I'd be without Jess.


End file.
